Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Late Confession

Akhir-akhir ini aku menjadi pecemburu,
Aku sebal tiap kali membuka agenda-agenda lama. Catatan harianku. Saat menyadari ada banyak mimpi ditorehkan oleh AKU YANG DULU. Aku sebal pada aku yang sepertinya telah kehilangan diriku yang seperti itu. Aku ingin sekali bertemu lagi dengannya, menarik tangannya, menjambak rambutnya, memakinya dan berteriak tepat didepan wajahnya, “BERANI-BERANINYA KAMU PERGI DAN MEMBUATKU MENYEDIHKAN SEPERTI INI!”

Akhir-akir ini aku menjadi penggerutu,
Aku merutuk tiap kali menyadari bahwa aku kini tidak menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik dibandingkan aku yang dulu. Sumbangsih apa yang bisa aku berikan pada orang terdekat yang aku cintai? Ah, kesal sekali jika aku mengingat-ngingat aku lebih banyak membuat mereka repot dan khawatir. Rasanya ingin sekali aku mengomel panjang tampa henti, menceramahi, menggurui aku yang seperti ini.

Tapi, aku tak bisa menyangkal bahwa akhir-akhir ini aku banyak berfikir.
Aku merenungkan apa yang terjadi akhir-akhir ini. Menuliskannya dalam sebuah buku catatan kecil. Kembali menyusun sebuah daftar mimpi yang harus dicapai, menuliskan harapan dan permohonan. Berharap aku bisa mengambil hikmah dan pelajaran untuk kedepannya nanti.

Malam ini sudah awal bulan Agustus, yang artinya 8/12 dari tahun ini. Sudah terlalu terlambatkah menuliskan semua itu. Ku harap tak ada kata terlambat untuk memulainya kembali dari awal.


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Spanish Proverb

I know a person whose greatest joy is to talk. Specifically she loves to talk about other. Everytime we meet, and sit closely, she always has time to talk about people both people I know and people I don't know. And just to make it strongly clear: EVERYTIME. I have no idea how she keeps talking about the same person with the same not-nice stories (and sometimes it has some up-to-date additional details).

Frankly, there is a time where I enjoy listening hot-news from her. Just because I don't socialize so often in this neighborhood.  Listening to her is kind of giving me a perspective of a person that I don't know well.

However, I just can't deny the ugly truth about gossip.Gossip is what no one claims to be like, but everybody enjoys ~Joseph Conrad. The person that I know here always says like this, 'I ain't gossiping on a person, I just reveal the truth'.So she claims that she has right to reveals the truth to people who unnecessary know that truth. Ah ... do you know what's my opinion toward this? She just too naive placing herself in the position 'having rights' just to cover the fact she just loves to talk about someone. it is true if there is someone says: Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't passed around.

The worst past of gossiping is when you are the topic of the gossip itself. Yeap.. Spanish proverb says Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. And I experienced it. It hurt really. I never understand why she meanly do that? Does it give benefit? giver her profit? ---- or it gives joys instead?


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Thursday, July 18, 2013

A Moment of Love

Dear Lord,
You knew what happened last night
We were sitting by the glass, staring as the comet pass
We were chattering a la historia los colores 
Sink me to those warm arms
Hoping for those being mine

He played the circus clown to heal my pain
Made me laugh at everything, joke every small thing
For a moment I feel of love again
I was glad  he was appearing

Now I am wondering, how it'd be
If he truly loves me?

I've leaned a while ago, that kind of thing never happens for me
the pain leaves a deep scar and it scares me
So I'll pretending that I don't see such of thing
I am trying to ignore this feeling

Later on, I put on my best make up
With my pride and smile
Even though deep down I tried so hard
It worth cause no one knows I am dying inside
because of avoiding his love

But Lord,
Don't You know it's killing me
Failing pure love is harder as it seems
So let me life this a second longer
To see a single love he offers
To enjoy happiness he borrows

(other version of A Moment of Love is written in published in kompasiana)


Monday, July 15, 2013

Mourning for Cory Monteith (An Unbelievable Death)


No more shocked news on 13/7/13 except this. I thought it was a hoax at the first time and I have no interest in reading the news. BUT THAT WAS TRUE.
And one thing which directly show up in my head: it is no way Glee has no more Cory Monteith's as Finn Hudson. It won't be Finn Hudson no more in Glee.

I have to be honest that I love Glee (even not as freak as I love Gossip Girl) and I fall in love with Finn Hudson (played by Cory Monteith) in the first time I saw him in it. He has innocent gorgeous baby face and really suitable to play as a young adult, a hi-school student that finally turned to be a college student (in the last season that I've seen) while in fact he is a 30-s adult man (he is 31 when he was gone). He definitely has beautiful voice. No wonder he is suitable being the partner of Lea Michele (plays as Rachel Berry) who has amazing voice. They act for a couple in Glee and they are dating for real out of the drama itself.

I've heard form a friend that is freak about the actor plays for Finn Hudson. She told me that Finn had a serious issue for substance since 13 y.o. Okay, that's odd because I thought a great voice owner like Cory wont let substance get into his life (but it is super odd since he uses the substance since young age).

Good news about it, that in 19 he took rehab (till now). So I guess that substance isn't the killer.

This is even odder that he was fine -- and perfectly fine based on his friends and relatives (because they interacted with Cory a day before his death). Even Lea spending this year valentine with him in LA, and I read in some news that they gonna get married in short time. So, what is the cause?

Whatever the cause is, let's leave it to the police who will investigate it. Hopefully, he still earn his pride and he died in dignity.
Good bye Cory, it is a real Good bye because I won't see you in the latest episode on Glee


If You Want To Know What God Thinks of Money, Just Look At The People He Gave It To" ~Dorothy Parker

I got an experience writing my expected salary on a form when I was applying for a job in a firm. I wrote a big amount of money on it and I still noted: negotiable since I clearly knew that I am just a fresh graduate. The only working experience that I have is a 6-months internship in a public accounting firm as a junior auditor. And bet, since the one who would interview me is the president director (and he is Japanese), he considers the internship as unofficial working experience. Frankly, I didn't hope too much that the company will grant my wish (regarding my expected What I expected was that the company will get curious why I wrote that much and start considering my internship as an added value for my professional working experience.

When he start questioning the salary, he questioned me whether I need to write the benefit that I want to gain from the firm besides the salary. It was surprising. Did I really need to do that? yeah, I didn't think I should really do that in the beginning, but since the director himself who asked me to do so, so I open my mouth.

"I wish for other allowance if it is necessary"

And the director wished for clear answer, what kind of allowance that I'd talked about. He started to offer parking allowance, but I should refuse it because I don't have any vehicle. He then decided to offer me meal allowance that straightly granted by me. He explain that the company will pay the over-time, medical-fee and some other allowance that he could not name in detail at that time.

Imagine about true story above. Just imagine that God just give away the money to random people. Yes, here I am just a random girl who was lucky. Frankly said, I am only a fresh graduated girl, have no official experience. The only price that I have is some organization experience written on my resume. And since money is priceless (from God's point of view), He just give it away to whoever he wants. whether that person is clever or stupid, handsome or ugly, generous or greedy, rich or poor, needed or unneeded. Money has just no value for HIM.

Ah ya, unfortunately, I've just refused that job offer. Not because of the salary or the benefits that they are willing to give to me, but I just do not fit with it. And you know what! I just tried to see the God's perspective toward this matter. It is easy to God not to give HIS priceless money to the one who actually need it (in this case is me). Do you see that perspective already?


Friday, July 12, 2013

No Turning Back

the past haunts me tightly
no wonder I am awake in the middle of the night
we broke up without having a fight
you come and go as you like
but not this time, I have had enough

you are back, offer me a vow
I am idle acting like I don't know
summer here has snow
and I am about to go
letting the river brings me where its flow
hoping I will find other land to grow

even though here, the birds only sing for me
and every butterflies dance beautifully
the past memory doesn't fade easily
harmony and beauty is no longer able to hypnotize me
I've realized this life is full with irony
and I am not willing to be trapped in the same history


Friday, July 5, 2013

Quote of The Month

Hal yang tak henti aku syukuri dari Tuhan adalah ketika saya berada diantara orang-orang hebat seperti keluarga saya yang selalu mendukung saya ~ Ikhwan (a friend, 22th)


Wednesday, July 3, 2013


In a strange city, making friend with a glass of hot coffee
Talking to nobody, as if there are here with me
Being alone in the room like a real lonely
Sitting by the glass, sitting as hours pass slowly

In a strange city, waiting for the rain stop pouring heavily
Killing time with writing while this mind can't stop thinking fiercely
Being a grown up means to be free
Never considering the needs of maturity

In a strange city, looking at the rain pouring so heavily
Being lonely and feels like I need mommy
Sitting by me after cooking dinner for me
Yeah, after far away, I start missing the family

This poem is dedicated to my lovey: mom, dad, abay, aluh. 
"I miss you much"