Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Balada malam minggu: Deal with constant sadness

I am sad.

I've been sad for multiple times: when someone took my favorite and claimed it as her/his; when I have to share my favorite with someone that I don't like; when I know defending myself will hurt someone else; when I couldn't go home even I knew my parents were sick; when I was trapped in 'situation' that I don't understand and I couldn't discuss it with anyone --- I could name them all, on the great wall, day long and it won't be enough. And my ultimate sadness, kind of sadness that I couldn't overcome just with ice-cream and chocolate --- wrecked my life. My heart is in chaos, my feeling is mint. I'm so scared, I try to get the word out to explain the feeling but it is always failed because it's completely able to ruin everybody fantasy.

How I response those are with crying and negative thinking. I will cry for most of the time over these gloom. I could cry with barely no noise so no one at home knew it; and also I could cry like a baby till my eyes swollen like a pair of meat-balls and don't care with anything around me. I might think about hurting people, even hurting myself. It is countless that I curse in my mind, I also swear a lot I my head.

I completely has no sense.

Until the feeling to be better is bigger enough to fight this misery. The feeling of not being destroyed by those fvcking distress grows. No, I won't let myself be taken down by sorrows. I start to accept it as part of my life and try to deal with it.

I start searching this 'sadness' things in internet to have better acknowledgement since this stupid blues constantly comes to my life --- creeping under the shadow of constructive happiness that I've built with all strength I have. I won't let this dark leads me to depression; I won't let it consume me.

Thing that I could do is keep myself off things that could lead me to pain. I won't dig anything on something that is known rotten already. I learn to accept that some part of this world cannot be fixed, remain broken. All I need is close my eyes, close my ears and ignore that.

It's not the same with 'not fighting'.

It's the way I fight for my life. My happiness.

The way not to let my self buried in sinking mud.
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Thursday, October 18, 2018

Berlari Tanpa Kaki

[Verse 1]
Setelah begitu lama, tersisa air mata
Banyaknya kenangan yang tak akan terlupakan
Masa-masa yang indah, masa-masa kita bersama
Perasaan mendalam yang takkan pernah reda

[Pre-Chorus]
Ku, maafkan aku tak pernah mendengar
Maafkan aku tak pernah melihatmu pergi
Ku ingin kau di sini

[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin
Ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Verse 2]
Waktu terus berjalan tapi tak henti ku berharap
Melihat senyumanmu walau sedetik saja

[Pre-Chorus]
Ku, maafkan aku tak pernah mendengar
Maafkan aku tak pernah melihatmu pergi
Ku ingin kau di sini
[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Chorus 2]
Erat, ku kan bertahan, janjiku
Tetap ada untukmu sampai selamanya
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Bridge]
Oh, semakin ku coba tuk lupakan
Semakin terbayang kedua matamu
Ku tahu kau tak mungkin kembali
Ku ingin kau di sini

[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Chorus 2]
Erat, ku kan bertahan, janjiku
Tetap ada untukmu sampai selamanya
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki


I listen to the Overtune's version. It sparks strange feeling ... More to sad, but I like that kind of feeling when I write a story.
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Sunday, September 23, 2018

kita memaksakan untuk bertahan
karena merasa sudah terlanjur cinta 
terlanjur menumpahkan banyak perasaan 

padahal cinta selalu bisa dimulai kembali
dengan orang yang lebih baik 
yang lebih kita butuhkan
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Tuesday, September 18, 2018

You

You did it again
You did hurt my heart
I don't know how many times

Oh you
I don't know what to say
You've made me so desperately in love
And now you let me down

You said you'd never lie again
You said this time would be so right
But then I found you were lying there by her side

Oh you
You turn my whole life so blue
Drowning me so deep,
I just can't reach myself again

Ooh you
Successfully tore my heart
Now it's only pieces
Oh nothing left but pieces of you
Oh oh baby

Oh you frustrate me with this love
I've been trying to understand
You know I'm trying I'm trying

Oh you
I don't know what to say
You've made me so desperately in love
And now you let me down

You said you'd never lie again
You said this time would be so right
But then I found you were lying there by her side

Oh you
You turn my whole life so blue
Drowning me so deep
I just can't reach myself again

Ooh you
Successfully tore my heart
Now it's only pieces
Oh nothing left but pieces of you

You turn my whole life so blue
Drowning me so deep
I just can't reach myself again

Oh you
Successfully tore my heart
Now it's only pieces
Oh nothing left but pieces of you
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