Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Sampai Jadi Debu

Badai Tuan telah berlalu
Salahkah ku menuntut mesra?
Tiap pagi menjelang
Kau di sampingku
Ku aman ada bersamamu

Selamanya
Sampai kita tua
Sampai jadi debu
Ku di liang yang satu
Ku di sebelahmu

Badai Puan telah berlalu
Salahkah ku menuntut mesra?
Tiap taufan menyerang
Kau di sampingku
Kau aman ada bersamaku

Selamanya
Sampai kita tua
Sampai jadi debu
Ku di liang yang satu
Ku di sebelahmu


by: Banda Neira
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Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Balada malam minggu: Deal with constant sadness

I am sad.

I've been sad for multiple times: when someone took my favorite and claimed it as her/his; when I have to share my favorite with someone that I don't like; when I know defending myself will hurt someone else; when I couldn't go home even I knew my parents were sick; when I was trapped in 'situation' that I don't understand and I couldn't discuss it with anyone --- I could name them all, on the great wall, day long and it won't be enough. And my ultimate sadness, kind of sadness that I couldn't overcome just with ice-cream and chocolate --- wrecked my life. My heart is in chaos, my feeling is mint. I'm so scared, I try to get the word out to explain the feeling but it is always failed because it's completely able to ruin everybody fantasy.

How I response those are with crying and negative thinking. I will cry for most of the time over these gloom. I could cry with barely no noise so no one at home knew it; and also I could cry like a baby till my eyes swollen like a pair of meat-balls and don't care with anything around me. I might think about hurting people, even hurting myself. It is countless that I curse in my mind, I also swear a lot I my head.

I completely has no sense.

Until the feeling to be better is bigger enough to fight this misery. The feeling of not being destroyed by those fvcking distress grows. No, I won't let myself be taken down by sorrows. I start to accept it as part of my life and try to deal with it.

I start searching this 'sadness' things in internet to have better acknowledgement since this stupid blues constantly comes to my life --- creeping under the shadow of constructive happiness that I've built with all strength I have. I won't let this dark leads me to depression; I won't let it consume me.

Thing that I could do is keep myself off things that could lead me to pain. I won't dig anything on something that is known rotten already. I learn to accept that some part of this world cannot be fixed, remain broken. All I need is close my eyes, close my ears and ignore that.

It's not the same with 'not fighting'.

It's the way I fight for my life. My happiness.

The way not to let my self buried in sinking mud.
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Thursday, October 18, 2018

Berlari Tanpa Kaki

[Verse 1]
Setelah begitu lama, tersisa air mata
Banyaknya kenangan yang tak akan terlupakan
Masa-masa yang indah, masa-masa kita bersama
Perasaan mendalam yang takkan pernah reda

[Pre-Chorus]
Ku, maafkan aku tak pernah mendengar
Maafkan aku tak pernah melihatmu pergi
Ku ingin kau di sini

[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin
Ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Verse 2]
Waktu terus berjalan tapi tak henti ku berharap
Melihat senyumanmu walau sedetik saja

[Pre-Chorus]
Ku, maafkan aku tak pernah mendengar
Maafkan aku tak pernah melihatmu pergi
Ku ingin kau di sini
[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Chorus 2]
Erat, ku kan bertahan, janjiku
Tetap ada untukmu sampai selamanya
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Bridge]
Oh, semakin ku coba tuk lupakan
Semakin terbayang kedua matamu
Ku tahu kau tak mungkin kembali
Ku ingin kau di sini

[Chorus 1]
Tegar, ku kan mencoba melewatinya
Lepas, lepaskan semua yang sudah berlalu
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki

[Chorus 2]
Erat, ku kan bertahan, janjiku
Tetap ada untukmu sampai selamanya
Tapi tanpa dirimu tak mungkin ku terus berlari tanpa kaki


I listen to the Overtune's version. It sparks strange feeling ... More to sad, but I like that kind of feeling when I write a story.
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