Nay (Part Two)

I am sipping my black coffee. The bitter taste of it is the best company when I feel so lonely like now. Watching at the glass, hoping for a comet pass, this rainy night is just another pathetic night in my life. What am I waiting for here? Why did I say 'yes' when he asked me out? I should refuse it in the first place.

I am supposed to celebrate the fact that my book is finally released. But the truth that the story bothers me a lot. How if he reads it?

Angels and devils argue with each other in my mind. He is in Poland, and this book is published in New York. There is the North Atlantic Ocean between us. Why should I worry this much? But in the internet era, he might find it somehow. If he found that it is our story, what he would do? What he would say to me? Wait, would he say even if he knew it?

Geez. I might be crazy.

October 2015

Warsaw, 8 a.m  

I am glad to back to this town. As a person who likes Chopin, Warsaw in October means heaven. Chopin contest is held here every 5 years. I could enjoy the music played by the best pianists all over the world. And I also have a reason to see him again, look into his hazed eyes, smell his Hugo Boss, or if I am lucky, I will taste that smooth warm kiss that I always miss--- 

"Nay, is that you?" 

I look for the voice from. I catch a familiar body, a man in an old navy jacket standing not far away from me. 

"Josh, it's a long time .... How are you?" I couldn't hide my surprising feeling in my tone. 

A friend from the past is approaching my table. His grey hair, paced skin aren't changed a bit, even masculine muscle is still there. He kisses both my chicks as a warm greeting then sits on the chair in front of me.

What are you doing in Warsaw?" 

I lift my shoulder, "You pretty well know about the answer, Josh. Chopin always calls me. The contest will be held tomorrow."  

"Chopin it is. As ...," his tone is hanging in the air.

"What?"  

"Is it only Chopin, Darl? I thought there is someone who brought you back here." 

I grin a smile. A friend that knows me deep down just uncover my other reason why I took an early flight from JFK International Airport to Poland. 

"It is not for your first crush, isn't it?"

I don't say anything and let his hypothesis fills his head. 

"Oooh, no .... How couldn't you move on sweetheart. He's totally not for you!" 

"I knew it. It is just an ordinary meeting. A meeting that is happening just because he is also here. Just for reminiscing the old days." I answer defensively. 

"Don't you know that he has a fiance?" 

Ouch,  that's hurt. Why people loves reminding me to that matter? I grin a smile. "What do you think,  Josh?"

He looks me in the eyes, trying to find an answer.

"Well, you're a big girl, aren't you?" 

His grey eyes see something that I've hidden. I know it. But I don't wanna seem bother to it. So I start to talk a warm talk like old friends used after long time not seeing each other. 

A waiter reaches our table and hands his order. Josh, pays it and gives some tips for it as he always does. He stands up and kisses me a good bye, he is in a rush. But he had asked to see him before I left the town.

"Let's meet up in Chopin Forest, I know you'll never miss that!"  

I smile as a yes of his statement.  "Let's meet up there." 

I watch him disappear behind the the door. And I start to think about what he said and the fact that I still want him. Suddenly I have no attention to see him anymore. I pack my belongings and ready to leave.

Too late, as the door bell is ringing, I see the face that always makes me fall in love all over again. His hazed eyes catch me, freeze me. His arrogant smile is pretty close to a smirk that I hate, but I love that. He walks then sits in front of me. I can smell his Hugo Boss, a masculine smell that I like when I am in his tight hug. Oh god, I almost forget to breath. 

"So, how are you, Nay?"

I smile. Trying to hide my madness living in my head. I won't let him know that it is currently portraying our togetherness we had years ago. I know he is good in reading my mind. I am just an opened book for him. But caught with pitiful memories on my face isn't a reunion-moment I wish I have.

"After all these years, you're still beautiful." He said as an opener.

I can't stop smiling. "And after all these years you're still able to captivate me with the same old charm."

"So, does it still works?" he is looked surprised.

I laugh. I play it wittily. I guess I'm smart enough and I could enjoy that.

But in a second I stop laughing as a woman approaching our table and putting her hands on his shoulders. I know her. His fiance, a Poland model. All of sudden I am feel so small. A silly writer has nothing to compare with a Caucasian model. He has a ton of reasons why he chose her over me.   

Josh's voice suddenly resound in my head, he's totally not for you. Then I hear an piano instrumental plays Ballade No.1 Op.23 in G Minor, a piece that could tear you apart. The ballad that pretty completely me with this miserableness. I also hear a crack inside my chest. 

....

I sigh.

Remembering the past always brings me mixed feeling. It still hurts me but I couldn't deny that it 'feeds' here, in New York. I finally could live well in New York; I get a spot in the agency because of the pain I had in the past.

I sip my coffee.

Trying to calm down my own mind.

I'll take whatever happens.

I see the window. Hoping that Navid shows in a second. He asked me to see him here but he's late. I start to think that I'd better text him. But suddenly, my phone rings.

Navid.

"Hi! Where are you?"

"Can you see the window? I am outside."

I look at the window. Nothing's particular. "Why don't you just come in?"

"See with your eagle eyes!"

I laugh. "Now I see you!" I saw Navid in police rain coat. I thought he was a policeman. "What are you doing there?"

He walks closer to the window and show me letters on A2 paper.

Hi Nayla.

I freeze. What is he doing? He shows me another page.

I need tons of courage to tell you,

I could read it clearly in lighting speed.

that I adore the way you talk,

...

the way you think,

...

the way you dress

...

They are sweet and nice.

...

From them, I know you're a warm person,

...

It grows something in my chest.

...

I wish it is not a confession.

Would you be my girlfriend.

Too late. God has His own plan.