Not a finale

Part 2: Broken Trust
Bersambung dari part 1


"Sabrina"

"Hmmm..."

"Why don't you just make it crystal clear"

"Crystal clear what?"

"That man! He is not just a friend you always meet on the same date in these years"

"If he isn't my friend then what?"

"A boy friend... You must have special feeling toward him".

They both look at each other then pause. Actually they know the whole damn truth, but not sure what they have to do. That moment become awkward. The girl called Sabrina gets into her bedroom, leaves her roommate, Nayla. Has no willing to tell how nice dinner she had that night.

***

There was a time when everything went perfectly. When smiling meant happiness without any pretentious. But this kind of moment just didn't last long. Just like every nice weather day right before an eruption, it went away in a blink.

The truth that you believe, the trust that you hold on, they were gone when you had found a flaw of perfect lies called truth. It opened all rotten life around you. Suddenly, you start questioning everything you know. Are they really they are?

Trust become the most important emotion. Lack of trust led you to anger, overwhelmed the suspicious, then finally, the three-year relationship seemed has no future with all these crazy skeptical thoughts. You would be tired living a life like this.

***

It's never too early to have coffee in this cafe since it opens 24/7. Yeah not funny.

Well I have all day long for me-time after recalling bitter part of my life all night. I should fix this mixed feeling before go back to my endless work life tomorrow. 

First, I have to admit that I treated Nayla wrong last night. She tried to help me get out from the past to head the future. She has through some tough drama before because she couldn't leave her own first love. She just doesn't want me trapped in stupid past like her. 

But, there are always have buts. My past is different from hers. In hers, her boyfriend left with sweet promises, never changed, it was so tempting going back there --- but mine, I was tossed away like garbage. Pulstop. Three years living in fantasy and when you find a crack, it suddenly wrecked you to cell level. Do I want to be there again? Please, I am sane. 

To be honest, I have no trust to any men and me myself. Well I still trust my father, my brother and all but not any men that has romance relationship with me. My first relationship and my only one ended bad. It ruined me. I couldn't trust my gut in people. Then it went even worse. A lack of trust is terminal; you can try anything and everything to escape the constriction but the doubt and inability to rebuild something that has eroded is akin to trying to reconstruct the sphinx if it was to disappear to the winds.
What is lost with a lack of trust can never be regained.

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