Thursday, January 21, 2016

Fear, a thing left unsaid

Late, as always.

But i sit still. I am too tired. I feel so exhausted. I turn off the phone. I have no interest to find out where he is, with whom and all. Like I've said i am too tired. And i don't give him a chance to tell  me that he comes late or he would cancel this meeting. I need to see him, to talk to him, to clear every silly-drama in my head. Even yes, i am tired, too powerless to fight back, not even to argue. I wait.

My coffee turns cold. I ordered a drinking that i couldn't drink. It's his favorite actually. i know that i would be here sooner than he could be. So i decided to order his favorite to make me feel that he is here. Its smell is his. I can see his figure in front of me as if he sits on the empty chair.

One hour left, and I am still alone. I start to sip the cold coffee. It's bitter and a bit sweet. I know i couldn't stand for it. But i still wonder why he loves this liquid much. I haven't found the answer. The bitter part is the biggest question for me.

Another a half hour left. The coffee itself turns more bitter. I don't know how long i have to spend waiting for him. So i decide to leave. It's just another day with cloud. I still couldn't see my future. I get out from the café. Walking unwillingly to the pavement to stop a taxi. But i see him at the parking lot. Standing beside his SUV, smoking. I never see him smoking before. I walk toward him.

"You're here?"

"Yeah, I have no gut to go there"

"I was waiting for 2 hours! Don't you know that?"

"Two hours? Time flies so fast" he surprised then put out his cigarette.

"What are you doing here? Are you nuts? This weather could kill you"

He looks at me unbelievably. "Aren't you angry with me?"

"I am! So get on"

"Why?"

"We should talk! Besides, this temperature could kill you!"

We both sit in the car. I look at him but he look away.

"I have silly drama in my head. I thought i gonna loose you." I start talking. I found my voice shivered.

"What do you mean with 'silly drama in your head', i guessed you've asked me here to break up with you!"

"You don't want to break up with me?"

"of course, I want you!"

"Then make me yours!"

We both smile.
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Free to speak up is still under circumstances, no violence