Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The truth behind act

So here we are, trapped in the same old talk. Sitting on the couch at the corner of the coffee shop, waiting for our favorite brewed coffee. I am in my sweet yellow dress and he is in his ripped jeans, black T-shirt, as he always wears lately.

"Would you put your cigarette down?"

He seems has no willing to stop.

"We need to talk and you pretty know that I cant help of smoke." I take an ashtray closer to him.

"We can talk after it is out babe!"

I am sick of his attitude,  THIS ATTITUDE to be exact. I dont know since when he has started to smoke, but things for sure I know him as a non smoker before hand. I shake my head for this unbelieving situation we have. I has no intention to argue with him for that stupid cigarette; so I turn my sight, looking for something that can wipe this mixed madness feeling out my head. My sight catches up a couple in non smoking room, having red velvet and blended green tea. They are look happy together.

"We're happy previously" unconsciously I start over the conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"We were good, until one of us changed"

"Define 'change'!"

I look at him right to his eyes. "Don't you feel that we are not same anymore? Like we are getting --- bad?"

"Getting bad? Is that what you feel now?"

I sigh hard. Have no strength to see him longer in the eyes. I can't be able to hold the situation. I don't want any fight, I won't risk this relationship.

"Did you want to say that because I changed --- you want to blame all on me?" He starts accusing me for no reason.

"I didn't want to blame you or anybody, all I ever wanted was we talked it over. We never talked for weeks, i am not a fortune teller, I need some verbal explanation to understand you."

His cigarette is out, but he starts to light another one.

"Eugine...!" I start to complain on his another cigarette.

"This talk makes me nervous,  I need to smoke"

"Smoke isn't a way out, all you need is talk, explain what inside your head --- to me."

"This is what I don't like from you! You ask me for explanation, you always want to report to you. You also force me to always pay attention to you, watching you."

What was he just saying? It makes me feel like in hell. I slap him hard on his right cheek. Get up and take my bag. Walking away from him. But it only happens in my head. I try to calm, try to understand why he has that kind of idea, because what he just said was totally non sense.

"I couldn't do that and I hate you for being so childish." He adds some explanation.

I feel like seeing fog which I know that it is not. It is just blur vision because keeping tears pouring out like river. No, I had enough. I've been pushed away for weeks, and now he has accused me for something which is totally wrong.

"I am pretty independent once till you who asked me to tell you every single thing to you as you are love to be fully poured with attention. Can't believe it turned up like this. We're sick, this relationship is sick. Let's be just friend."

Our order come. Two hot brewed coffee. "Here is your order, thank you for waiting. Is there any additional?"

"No, thanks", I reply it quickly.

"Enjoy your coffee then"

I drink the coffee up. Even the heat burn my tongue. I don't care because I don't even feel it. He is silent for couple minutes. After he saw me finish my drink, he starts the conversation again.

"We're still if you weren't emotionally taking decision like that. I wanted to see your response if I ignored you like that. Like I predicted, you were childishly ask me for reason, further you wanted my attention..."

I heard murmured voice from him. another voice heard inside my head, What ever you said. I wont listen to it. PREDICTED YOUR ASS! I couldn't listen to it because too busy manage the blows inside my chest and head that probably could make huge explosions with scream and endless tears.

"Pay my bill! I go home."

"But we can be friend like you said, can't we?"

"Yes, like we two hope."

It was the last time I meet him, see his eyes and listen to his voice.
We never communicate even like friend like we wish we to be.
Lately, I heard from a friend, he dated a girl in our favorite coffee shop. The truth was, it's not because of my childish, it was another girl
Location: ABFI Institute Perbanas Jakarta, Jl. Perbanas Karet Kuningan Setiabudi Jakarta Selatan DKI Jakarta


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