Saturday, January 25, 2014

Balada Malam Minggu: I am Who I am (really?)

WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE!

.... with capitalized word, it is simply sound like an anger. The next question is to whom it was addressed?

of course it is not for you, who you think you are?

Year is already changing and I am still like this. Currently when I am typing ol this stuff, I am eating my muffin with iced coffee (a duet that I never did before); listening to Boyce Avenue singing for Adele - Bruno Mars - and some my favorite singers; glimpsing at a lovey-dovey couple sitting two desks away from me (with envy as usual); lonely and pathetic.

Lonely and pathetic?

Was I just typing it unconsciously?

Every now and then I see the glass, it is dark outside. I just can't see the outside except my own reflection and the question above all of sudden appears. That's not a question in anger, it is more like a question with neon-highlight that creates the lone and pity addressed to ME.

What I am doing right now is typing some random thing that is bothering me.

I was realizing what happen with me lately; what ego that made me like this; what i dream i would be; what I wish for all this time and start questioning how dare I was since it ended like a stone on the button of the ocean, idle -- motionless,- while on the other side, I should be realize the reality: the limits and boundaries. It bothers for sure and I just can't bare it any longer. Do I work hard for my own dreams or do I just simply list all my wishes waiting for God grant 'em?

I cheer myself by saying I am who I am, and I know who I am not, but do I really know?


P.S: Tonight, when I type it, I just feel not happy with myself. 
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Free to speak up is still under circumstances, no violence