My May

May is my month.

I was born in May. May is always special for me.

This May I reach 22 y o.

I am no longer a teen. It was already 2 years ago. Now, My second year of being a young adult.

With all laughs, smileys, bitter tears --- I learn. 

I simply learn how to live my life.

I learn to thank all people around me. Thank you for protecting me Dad, Mom, Bro and Sis. I have greatest special fam ever. I never ask God for in which family I born into, but you all are the precious gift in my live. The ones who always be by my side, no mater I am wrong or right. Protect me with your own ways. I know yo'all love me without saying 'I love you' to me. Everytime we're apart, I know you miss me without saying 'I miss you hunny'. Yo'all give all you have and asking no return. A simple 'Thank you' by saying 'Alhamdulillahi jaza kumullohu khoiroh' is the way I learn to thank to everyone; It was taught in this family.

I learn to apologize to all people that intentionally or unintentionally are hurt by me. 'A sorry' becomes a magic power as the first aid to any hurt caused by me. I understand that I could not turn back time to avoid it, but a simple 'sorry' magically heals that wound.  I also learn to forgive all people that hurt me. Simply just because I pretty understand, keep the revenge will not give any benefit to me, except sadness and black hole in my heart.

On the other chance, I have a moment to figure out the one who is in the mirror when I see my own reflection. Sometimes I don't know who I am. Whether I am a good girl pretending to be a bad girl, or a bad girl pretending to be a good girl.  Maybe I am lying to myself. Trying to be someone else that is actually against me just to be fit with the crowd. However, this live is too short if it is used only for making others happy while in contrast we are not. So I have to have my own note that I live on this realm to leave marks. Keep doing the good things that I feel right.

Most of the time, feeling exhausted with dramas that God has created to me. I wonder why God gives me such story in my life. But you know what, it is enrich me. I become stronger and feel like valuable. I start to realize I am happy being me in this life with my family, my friends and my past. All this time, I can get through it even with sweat, tears, or hard. I am end up as a survivor. It means I am not wasted my life.


The bitter tears in this year reminds me that "sometimes feeling is deceiving". The words that I've heard and the pictures that I've seen create illusory imagination in my mind. My heart cannot recognize whether what I've heard or seen are something real and pure or not. This heart just starts to take everything from granted without realizing that I've been fooling around all this time. It is like I fall in love in my sleep. I find a prince who successfully melts my heart; having a little romance and when the dawn comes, I have to leave it to face the real world --- alone. And the dream is finally feel like a nightmare. Yes I am young. And in such young age I have felt it. It benefits me much because I will try to be more careful this time to fall in love. I won't let myself wrongly get through this love. I won't let this feeling deceiving by words and pictures. This experience will equip me to face a better future.

The important thing, last but not the least,

Happiness is earned. It is earned by accepting what has happened in life. If only I accept whatever fate for me, then I will start to think that I will be happy -- I can be happy -- and I am going to make you happy, those result I allow myself to be happy.

May is my favorite month. I started my life in this month 22 years ago. I'll enjoy my may in this year.

Hopefully you too.(/gn)