tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19487446561624217492024-03-19T14:08:33.444+07:00A Drama QueenLife is a drama and I am its queenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger474125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-69227575987103834552024-03-19T14:07:00.001+07:002024-03-19T14:07:38.716+07:00Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For?<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW8VLC9nnTo" target="_blank">listen here</a></p><p style="text-align: center;">I used to float, now I just fall down</p><p style="text-align: center;">I used to know but I'm not sure now</p><p style="text-align: center;">What I was made for</p><p style="text-align: center;">What was I made for?</p><p style="text-align: center;">Takin' a drive, I was an ideal</p><p style="text-align: center;">Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real</p><p style="text-align: center;">Just something you paid for</p><p style="text-align: center;">What was I made for?</p><p style="text-align: center;">'Cause I, I</p><p style="text-align: center;">I don't know how to feel</p><p style="text-align: center;">But I wanna try</p><p style="text-align: center;">I don't know how to feel</p><p style="text-align: center;">But someday, I might</p><p style="text-align: center;">Someday, I might</p><p style="text-align: center;">When did it end? All the enjoyment</p><p style="text-align: center;">I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend</p><p style="text-align: center;">It's not what he's made for</p><p style="text-align: center;">What was I made for?</p><p style="text-align: center;">'Cause I, 'cause I</p><p style="text-align: center;">I don't know how to feel</p><p style="text-align: center;">But I wanna try</p><p style="text-align: center;">I don't know how to feel</p><p style="text-align: center;">But someday I might</p><p style="text-align: center;">Someday I might</p><p style="text-align: center;">Think I forgot how to be happy</p><p style="text-align: center;">Something I'm not, but something I can be</p><p style="text-align: center;">Something I wait for</p><p style="text-align: center;">Something I'm made for</p><p style="text-align: center;">Something I'm made for </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-53418651021113172032024-03-13T12:46:00.010+07:002024-03-13T13:17:49.357+07:00Reset<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkEB3g4jvwils6DDYkgC-_4M12yVAWZiruvoG1NPuxwdMead1YJbcm81okZAWAJ71kfp0lfvje7icuYPkY8i9pHeH7Is8OnWxDetaubNEyyvwxmd8BFH0DryJ-oR_bmruzSZ8R_jHi6AXJxIIJNSF_ikPWSR51yLEZbze7EA5VbctTVpckUVVm-Nr0g37R/s517/reset.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="412" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkEB3g4jvwils6DDYkgC-_4M12yVAWZiruvoG1NPuxwdMead1YJbcm81okZAWAJ71kfp0lfvje7icuYPkY8i9pHeH7Is8OnWxDetaubNEyyvwxmd8BFH0DryJ-oR_bmruzSZ8R_jHi6AXJxIIJNSF_ikPWSR51yLEZbze7EA5VbctTVpckUVVm-Nr0g37R/s320/reset.JPG" width="255" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this art is belonged to Pascal<br />https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci_7pByOI8d/</td></tr></tbody></table><span face="Söhne, ui-sans-serif, system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face="Söhne, ui-sans-serif, system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">In the quiet confines of our shared apartment, I</span><span face="Söhne, ui-sans-serif, system-ui, -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Noto Sans", sans-serif, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol", "Noto Color Emoji"" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> traced the lines of my reflection in the windowpane, my gaze lost in the city lights below. The room felt heavy with silence, a silence that had become all too familiar. It was a silence that seemed to stretch between us, enveloping us in its stifling embrace.</span></span><p></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I don't know how we ended up in this phase," I finally broke the silence, my voice soft but laden with the weight of unspoken words.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He shifted uneasily in his chair, his eyes avoiding mine. As always, he looks uneasy every time I brought up a deep talk.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I've tried to remember," I admitted quietly, "but I'm not sure either."</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We had once been inseparable, our laughter filling the air with warmth and joy. But somewhere along the way, the laughter had faded, replaced by an uneasy tension that neither could ignore.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Is it when I realized that you couldn't leave your past behind?" my voice trembled with a mix of frustration and longing. "Or when I told you that I had enough with you?"</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">His jaw tightened, his fingers drumming nervously against the arm of his chair. Memories flooded his mind, fragments of arguments and apologies, moments of love and moments of pain.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I don't know," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "Maybe it was both. Maybe it was neither. But somewhere along the way, we lost each other."</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Silence fell between us once more, heavy and suffocating. We were two strangers sharing the same space, our hearts weighed down by the burden of what could have been.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I turned away from the window, her eyes meeting his for the first time in what felt like an eternity. "I don't want to keep living like this," I said softly, my voice filled with resignation.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He nodded, his gaze filled with a mixture of regret and relief. "Neither do I."</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And in that moment, we both knew that it was time to let go. Time to leave behind the memories that haunted and the pain that bound us. Time to start anew, even if it meant walking away from the life we had once shared.</span></p><p style="--tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-ring-color: rgba(69,89,164,.5); --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 transparent; --tw-shadow: 0 0 transparent; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; background-color: white; border: 0px solid rgb(227, 227, 227); box-sizing: border-box; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 16px; margin: 1.25em 0px 0px; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As we stood facing each other in the fading light of the evening, we found a sense of closure in the silent understanding that passed between us. It was the end of one chapter, but perhaps, just perhaps, it was the beginning of something new.</span></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-26980969465350958362024-02-14T20:04:00.002+07:002024-02-14T20:04:33.791+07:00Heart Beat<div dir="ltr"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmPOgU1dIfrezKzNjhliJJ15p-XD9lHI-ssMc0yJkRF7-JzHi0o5XDR1Z5I1H8-3D5wrdKhqjjkW0GGUIjKqLjCBDuppoW8IFv12ofo4V6nQsMKTOTTkLQ1FVmMn9NFdoMu7ISIoESaKzpKpW-Lp-onBJww136sifAaCRz2gQm3ziDxe-9ojMrq-0pm3_Y/s595/pascal%20champ.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="595" data-original-width="472" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmPOgU1dIfrezKzNjhliJJ15p-XD9lHI-ssMc0yJkRF7-JzHi0o5XDR1Z5I1H8-3D5wrdKhqjjkW0GGUIjKqLjCBDuppoW8IFv12ofo4V6nQsMKTOTTkLQ1FVmMn9NFdoMu7ISIoESaKzpKpW-Lp-onBJww136sifAaCRz2gQm3ziDxe-9ojMrq-0pm3_Y/s320/pascal%20champ.png" width="254" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this art belongs to Pascal Campion<br />https://www.instagram.com/p/CwUVofvOcqz/ </td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div dir="ltr">
My phone vibrates. I saw the notification, it was you. <br />
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<i>Hi</i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
A simple 'hi' that change my day. I stop typing on the keyboard then stare at the phone. After countless days, and finally you text me with 2 letters, H-I.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
I am freezing. What should I do?</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
Should I type 'hi' back, or answer it with longer text like, 'just hi me really?! Don't you miss me?'</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
But I choose to ignore it. I leave it unread.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: center;">***</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">Days passed, and the unread message lingered in my notifications like a weight on my conscience. Each time I glanced at my phone, there it was, a constant reminder of the unfinished conversation. But I couldn't bring myself to respond.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">I replayed our last encounter in my mind, dissecting every word, every gesture, searching for clues as to why you suddenly reached out. Was it out of genuine interest or just a fleeting impulse? I couldn't shake the uncertainty.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">As the days turned into weeks, I found myself grappling with conflicting emotions. Part of me longed to reconnect, to bridge the gap that had formed between us. But another part, a stubborn and prideful part, resisted the urge to give in so easily.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">Then, one evening, as I sat alone with my thoughts, a sense of clarity washed over me. I realized that holding onto grudges and pride would only prolong the distance between us. Life was too short for such trivialities.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">With a determined sigh, I picked up my phone and unlocked the screen. There, nestled among the sea of notifications, was your message, still unread. Without hesitation, I tapped on it and began to type.</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">"Hi," I started, keeping it simple yet sincere. "I've been meaning to respond, but I guess I got caught up in my own head. How have you been?"</div><div dir="ltr"><br /></div><div dir="ltr">As I hit send, a wave of relief washed over me. It was a small step, but it felt like the first in a journey toward reconciliation. And whatever the outcome, I knew that I was ready to face it with an open heart.</div></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-7358193440014896552024-01-01T11:51:00.002+07:002024-03-13T12:14:10.919+07:00Review: How I grow<p>Saat saya pertama kali memutuskan untuk membaca kembali tulisan-tulisan lama saya di blog ini (setelah sekian lama saya mengabaikannya), saya tidak memiliki harapan khusus, <i>I know what I've written, what should I expect</i>? Blog ini adalah tempat saya menumpahkan pemikiran, pengalaman, dan imajinasi saya selama beberapa tahun terakhir. Saya mengingat jelas saat saya memulai tulisan saya pertama kali di kamar kos saat kuliah dahulu bermodal laptop yang diberikan oleh orang tua saya. Sebelumnya, saya mengirimkan beberapa cerita pendek ke majalah, namun tak satupun dimuat di sana. Blog inilah yang pada akhirnya jadi muara tulisan saya setelah itu. <i>Surprisingly</i>, yang saya temukan saat membaca kembali tulisan-tulisan tersebut benar-benar menggetarkan hati saya. Saya takjub dengan keberanian dan keindahan dalam kata-kata yang pernah saya tulis, serta bagaimana imajinasi saya berkembang dari waktu ke waktu. Mungkin hanya saya yang beranggapan demikian, namun itulah yang saya rasakan.</p><p>Sebagian besar tulisan tersebut saya buat ketika saya menunggu di halte Trans Jakarta. Hal ini terjadi karena saya menggunakan ponsel saya selama menunggu bus. Tak ada banyak kegiatan yang saya punya selain berselancar dalam <i>facebook </i>yang pada akhirnya membosankan juga. Akhirnya, saya mengetikan beberapa cerita yang terfragmentasi, menuliskan hal-hal yang menarik yang saya lihat ataupun dengar. Saya sering menuliskannya dengan bermodal menguping pembicaraan orang-orang asing di sekitar saya atau sambil menunggu kendaraan umum tiba. Inilah yang membuat tulisan-tulisan tersebut menjadi lebih berwarna. Saya harus berimprovisasi dan memanfaatkan apa yang ada di sekitar saya. </p><p>Selain itu, tulisan-tulisan tersebut juga dipengaruhi oleh pekerjaan saya. Saya pernah bekerja di industri kreatif, dan kebanyakan dari tulisan itu merupakan hasil inspirasi dari pekerjaan saya. Saya sering menulis tentang pengalaman saya dalam berkolaborasi dengan orang-orang kreatif lainnya, serta tantangan dan kesenangan yang datang dengan pekerjaan ini. Meski sebetulnya lebih tepat mengimajinasikannya dalam sebuah fiksi. Melalui tulisan-tulisan ini, saya dapat merenungkan perjalanan karier saya dan menghargai setiap momen berharga yang saya alami. Meski menuliskannya tidak benar-benar menggambarkan pekerjaan saya saat itu, namun membacanya kembali menggiring saya ke masa-masa saya berada di kantor lama saya. </p><p>Membaca kembali tulisan-tulisan tersebut membuat saya sadar betapa pentingnya menjaga imajinasi dan kreativitas kita tetap hidup. Tulisan-tulisan tersebut adalah bukti bahwa imajinasi saya bukanlah sesuatu yang terbatas, tetapi dapat berkembang dan tumbuh dari pengalaman sehari-hari. Saya belajar untuk tidak hanya melihat ke dalam diri saya sendiri untuk inspirasi, tetapi juga melihat dunia di sekitar saya dengan mata yang lebih terbuka.</p><p>Tulisan-tulisan itu juga mengajarkan saya tentang pentingnya mencatat pengalaman dan pemikiran kita. Seringkali, kita melupakan momen-momen berharga dalam hidup kita jika tidak ada catatan tertulis yang mengingatkannya. Tulisan-tulisan tersebut adalah sejenis arsip yang berharga bagi diri saya sendiri, mengingatkan saya tentang perjalanan panjang saya dalam mengejar imajinasi dan kreativitas.</p><p>Selain itu, membaca kembali tulisan-tulisan lama ini juga membuat saya terinspirasi untuk terus mengejar impian dan tujuan saya. Mereka adalah bukti bahwa imajinasi tidak terbatas, dan kita dapat mencapai hal-hal yang luar biasa jika kita mempercayai diri sendiri dan terus berusaha. Saya merasa terdorong untuk terus menulis dan mengejar passion saya dalam industri kreatif meski dengan cara yang berbeda karena saat ini saya menggantungkan diri saya di industri yang sama sekali berbeda dengan pekerjaan saya sebelumnya. (<i>I published 3 books in this super serious industry by the way, yeeeaaayyy</i>)</p><p>Saya menyadari bahwa tak ada orang yang membaca blog akhir-akhir ini. Zaman telah berubah. Hanya saja, jika anda kebetulan menemukan tulisan saya ini, saya harap Anda terhibur dengan imajinasi saya.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sincerely yours,</p><p>nugina</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-16594605829686855842023-09-18T10:08:00.013+07:002023-10-09T11:53:18.670+07:00Petualangan Seru di Lawang Sewu: Menjelajahi Keajaiban Sejarah Semarang pada Hari Sabtu<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVMygB6tMyo-utnx3uiAfH8NdwJigZJOnB6QB1990Xy2d1JwqUEUWw5kwOR7HlP9lNb9TjK5qyWx7v4KTT03TDLdQ3YfEjDuKoEVz0Zg0I6ecmn_sXXz_FG3qdXl1AgAkIDifSJ0CauJowb4QOUZwFnQlcNh0uuIlHvMLud8Ls_-XJyGDkBljkyTqy8QX/s1280/WhatsApp%20Image%202023-10-09%20at%2011.52.20.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="962" data-original-width="1280" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVMygB6tMyo-utnx3uiAfH8NdwJigZJOnB6QB1990Xy2d1JwqUEUWw5kwOR7HlP9lNb9TjK5qyWx7v4KTT03TDLdQ3YfEjDuKoEVz0Zg0I6ecmn_sXXz_FG3qdXl1AgAkIDifSJ0CauJowb4QOUZwFnQlcNh0uuIlHvMLud8Ls_-XJyGDkBljkyTqy8QX/w422-h318/WhatsApp%20Image%202023-10-09%20at%2011.52.20.jpeg" width="422" /></a></div><br /><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Hari Sabtu yang cerah adalah waktu yang sempurna untuk menjelajahi salah satu destinasi bersejarah paling menakjubkan di Semarang, yaitu Lawang Sewu. Dengan antusiasme yang membara, saya dan keluarga memutuskan untuk menghabiskan hari ini di sana. Sebagai panduan, inilah pengalaman kami yang tak terlupakan di Lawang Sewu.</span></div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Perjalanan Dimulai dengan Tiket Masuk</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Kami tiba di Lawang Sewu pada pagi yang cerah, siap untuk menjelajahi keindahan dan sejarahnya. Harga tiket masuk sangat terjangkau, tergantung pada kategori pengunjung:</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Pengunjung Dewasa: Rp. 20.000,-</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Pengunjung Anak: Rp. 10.000,-</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Wisatawan Mancanegara: Rp. 30.000,-</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Setelah membayar tiket, kami langsung masuk ke dalam bangunan yang megah ini, siap menjelajahi setiap sudutnya.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Petualangan Bersama Tour Guide</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Kami memutuskan untuk memanfaatkan layanan tour guide dengan tarif sewa sebesar Rp. 100.000,-. Keputusan ini ternyata sangat bijak karena tour guide kami memberikan penjelasan yang mendalam tentang sejarah Lawang Sewu. Kami belajar banyak tentang bagaimana bangunan ini digunakan oleh Belanda sebagai kantor pusat perusahaan kereta api Hindia Belanda dan juga peran pentingnya selama masa penjajahan Jepang. Tour guide kami juga menjelaskan banyak cerita menarik dan misteri yang terkait dengan Lawang Sewu, termasuk kenapa bangunan ini disebut "Seribu Pintu."</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Berpakaian Seperti Tokoh Bersejarah</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Saat menjelajahi Lawang Sewu, kami melihat ada tempat untuk sewa kostum. Kami tidak mencobanya tapi jika anda ingin membuat perjalanan anda menyusuri Lawang Sewu menjadi sangat berkesan, anda bisa mencobanya. Harganya bervariasi tergantung pada jenis kostum yang Anda pilih, pengalaman berpakaian seperti tokoh bersejarah dalam suasana yang klasik dan megah dari Lawang Sewu sangatlah menghibur. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Menjelajahi Keajaiban Interior</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Interior Lawang Sewu benar-benar mengesankan. Bangunan tua ini dibuat dengan metode dan arsitektur Belanda. Tiang penyangga yang diimpor langsung dari jerman, marmer dari Prancis dan lainnya. Ada satu bagian gedung yang mengadopsi Atrium utama dengan langit-langit kaca patri yang indah membiarkan cahaya alami masuk, menciptakan atmosfer yang sangat khas. Kami dapat melihat detail-detail arsitektur yang rumit di setiap lantai, termasuk tangga belok yang menakjubkan yang menghubungkan lantai-lantai berbeda.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Jam Operasional dan Kesimpulan</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Meskipun kami begitu terpesona oleh Lawang Sewu, kami harus berpamitan karena jam operasionalnya. Tempat ini buka setiap hari mulai pukul 08:00 WIB hingga 17:00 WIB, meskipun jam operasional dapat berubah tergantung pada musim libur atau perubahan lainnya. Jadi, pastikan untuk memeriksa jam operasional terbaru sebelum kunjungan Anda.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Kami meninggalkan Lawang Sewu dengan hati yang penuh dengan keajaiban dan pengetahuan baru tentang sejarah bangunan ini. Hari Sabtu yang kami habiskan di sana adalah pengalaman yang tak terlupakan. Lawang Sewu tidak hanya sebuah tempat bersejarah yang indah, tetapi juga sebuah jendela ke masa lalu yang menawarkan banyak cerita menarik. Jika Anda mencari destinasi wisata yang mendalam di Semarang, Lawang Sewu adalah pilihan yang sempurna untuk menghabiskan waktu liburan Anda. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-69949142501286524012023-08-29T15:03:00.002+07:002023-08-29T15:05:24.182+07:00Nilai-nilai Hidup yg Abadi & Sederhana (Plot Twist Semesta) feat. Dedy Vansophi<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5szQeqh0CTPN8Gg9G50xVPWtiPMDDY7fflc8bLpGF9L9t8yeNF6cPuZxWJFYu9UiEMMYUCaXM9zZyQiH75KaMwey0-_bAyqNbhERv5t8X9v20ewD-KvAwnlfJhJhkt2V7zie6giV2heLLnHF7qBcMyxfvkeoSvW6e2IAdN6CU4ja-sggLIhrImdyFI8J0" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="545" data-original-width="747" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5szQeqh0CTPN8Gg9G50xVPWtiPMDDY7fflc8bLpGF9L9t8yeNF6cPuZxWJFYu9UiEMMYUCaXM9zZyQiH75KaMwey0-_bAyqNbhERv5t8X9v20ewD-KvAwnlfJhJhkt2V7zie6giV2heLLnHF7qBcMyxfvkeoSvW6e2IAdN6CU4ja-sggLIhrImdyFI8J0=w428-h312" width="428" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">watch it </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1sbTfkg8BU" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">here</a></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></p><p></p>"Nilai-nilai Hidup yang Abadi & Sederhana (Plot Twist Semesta)" merupakan sebuah episode yang menarik dan menginspirasi. Dalam episode ini, Ruby & Ario membahas tentang nilai-nilai hidup yang abadi dan sederhana, serta bagaimana menghadapi "plot twist" yang tak terduga dalam perjalanan hidup bersama Dedy Vansophi, seorang penulis buku "Rumah Tepi Kali".<p></p><p>Dedy Vansophi, sebagai tamu spesial, membawa wawasan mendalam mengenai konsep-konsep filosofis dan spiritual yang berhubungan dengan arti hidup dan kebahagiaan. Dia secara rinci membicarakan bagaimana kita sebagai individu dapat mencari kebahagiaan dalam kehidupan yang sederhana dan fokus pada hal-hal yang benar-benar penting. Selain itu, dia juga berbagi pandangannya tentang menghadapi perubahan tak terduga dalam hidup (plot twist) dengan bijak, dan mengambil hikmah dari setiap pengalaman.</p><p>Plot episode ini didasarkan pada percakapan yang cair dan alami antara pembawa acara dan Dedy Vansophi. Mereka membahas konsep nilai-nilai hidup yang abadi, seperti kasih sayang, empati, dan kebaikan, yang dapat memberikan arti dan makna yang lebih dalam dalam hidup kita. Mereka juga menyoroti bagaimana kebahagiaan tidak selalu tergantung pada pencapaian materi atau status sosial, melainkan pada kedalaman hubungan sosial dan hubungan dengan diri sendiri.</p><p>Salah satu poin penting yang dibahas adalah tentang bagaimana merespon plot twist atau perubahan tak terduga dalam hidup. Dedy Vansophi menekankan pentingnya fleksibilitas pikiran, ketenangan batin, dan kesiapan untuk belajar dari tantangan yang muncul. Mereka berdua setuju bahwa ketika kita dapat menerima perubahan dengan hati yang terbuka, kita dapat tumbuh dan berkembang sebagai individu.</p><p>Podcast ini berhasil menggabungkan gagasan filosofis dan pandangan spiritual dalam bahasa yang sederhana dan mudah dimengerti. Penggunaan contoh nyata dari kehidupan sehari-hari membuat episode ini lebih relevan bagi pendengar. Penekanan pada pentingnya kedalaman emosi dan hubungan manusiawi juga memberikan dimensi yang lebih dalam pada diskusi.</p><p>Secara keseluruhan, episode 104 dari podcast "Thirty Days of Lunch" ini adalah sebuah perbincangan yang memikat dan menggugah pemikiran. Kedua pembicara menginspirasi pendengar untuk merenungkan makna hidup, menghargai nilai-nilai sederhana, dan menghadapi tantangan dengan bijak. Dedy Vansophi sebagai tamu memberikan perspektif yang berharga, dan penyampaian yang santai membuat episode ini mudah dinikmati oleh berbagai kalangan pendengar.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>"Selama rejeki tidak kita habiskan sendiri, kita tidak perlu khawatir akan esok hari."</b></p><p style="text-align: center;">Dedy Vansophi</p><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-58668432653455465472023-07-28T10:03:00.003+07:002023-08-25T14:54:34.676+07:00MOVIE OF THE MONTH: A Man Called Otto<p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF_GMGORijlCWvWjNgAY_AIdMaABm7PgcvunniOkFTNvI4Wpt9uprPl5KqgSfiBjCe_anZRtqAMbeMN3KL27QzBnxKgQyAsONu8XwCGtC72g5Crm0uAjuz17H2FxIuir8NSQB4U-aWSQUHSF8zJwB5y8OFm3wLh1WuN--LQRTKjbvOZjov1TCTB5rjNLW8/s1755/8.-PF-A-Man-Called-Otto.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1755" data-original-width="1189" height="373" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF_GMGORijlCWvWjNgAY_AIdMaABm7PgcvunniOkFTNvI4Wpt9uprPl5KqgSfiBjCe_anZRtqAMbeMN3KL27QzBnxKgQyAsONu8XwCGtC72g5Crm0uAjuz17H2FxIuir8NSQB4U-aWSQUHSF8zJwB5y8OFm3wLh1WuN--LQRTKjbvOZjov1TCTB5rjNLW8/w253-h373/8.-PF-A-Man-Called-Otto.jpg" width="253" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div><span style="font-size: x-small;">Taken from Lembaga Sensor Film Indonesia<br />https://lsf.go.id/movie/a-man-called-otto/</span></div></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: justify;">Film ini bertengger di top 10 Netflix yang membuat dia ada di daftar rekomendasi teratas. Cuplikannya menampilkan betapa Bapak Otto yang diperankan oleh Tom Hanks, adalah orang yang taat aturan. Dia begitu bawel meneriaki setiap kesalahan orang lain seperti masalah parkir mobil, tanda mobil penghuni perumahan, atau bahkan anjing yang buang air sembarangan. Tapi dia juga orang yang dengan wajah ditekuk membantu tetangganya, Marisol dan Teddy untuk memarkirkan mobil + box trailer.</span></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Sisi humanis film ini dibangun dengan apik dan terasa sampe ulu hati. Gimana enggak, Bapak Otto di usia pensiunnya ternyata lagi nyiapin diri buat bunuh diri. Persiapannya udah mateng. Sebagai orang yang teknik banget (he loves mechanics, graduated as a bachelor of Mechanical Engineering) dia udah ngukur presisi tali yang dia butuhkan buat gantung diri, udah nelponin jasa utilities buat mutus listrik, gas, air, telepon. Tapi, segala usaha bunuh dirinya berakhir gagal karena keluarga Marisol yang saat itu sedang hamil besar, kerap mengetuk pintu rumah Pak Otto untuk segala macam urusan layaknya tetangga pada umumnya, berbagi makanan, pinjam obeng, pinjam tangga, bahkan titip anak.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Filmnya sendiri dibuat ada kilas balik menceritakan lika-liku kehidupan Pak Otto yang Jerman banget, yang kemudian luluh sejak pertama kali ketemu Sonya saat muda. Karakter Otto yang begitu kaku, dibangun apik bagaimana perubahan sosialisasinya dengan orang-orang di sekitarnya hingga akhirnya dia menjadi orang penggerutu sebagai topeng kesepiannya. Sampai ada yang menggambarkan Otto begini, "People said Otto saw the world in black and white. But she was color. All the color he had." Sebegitunya Sonya untuk Otto, dan betapa hilang separuh nyawanya saat Sonya meninggal dunia.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Kisahnya menyajikan berbagai emosi mulai dari tawa hingga tangis, dan menyoroti pentingnya saling menghargai dan menghormati orang lain. Acting setiap karakternya pas, mampu meragakan kekuatan persahabatan, kebaikan, dan pentingnya memiliki tujuan hidup. Film ini sendiri diadaptasi dari sebuah novel yang ditulis Fredrik Backman berjudul A Man Called Ove (Seorang Pria yang Disebut Ove). Dia berhasil menciptakan karakter yang unik dan mendalam, serta memberikan pelajaran tentang cinta, kehilangan, dan kebahagiaan dalam hidup yang sederhana namun penuh makna.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Yang paling aku suka adalah bagian paling akhir, mungkin 10 menit terakhir dimana pada akhirnya Otto membuka diri, Marisol dan keluarganya menganggap Otto menjadi kakek bagi anak-anaknya, semuanya tergambar dari cuplikan foto-foto liburan yang dihabisakan Otto bersama mereka. Itu scene yang paling hangat sekaligus mengiris dengan ketebalan yang tepat.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Sejujurnya, personally speaking, film ini ga cocok untuk orang yang sedang kesepian ataupun dalam fase depresi. Se-emosional itu soalnya (I wish I could elaborate it more clearly). It might drive some triggers.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Anyway,</p><p style="text-align: justify;">"Love is a strange thing. It takes you by surprise."-Fredrik Backman, A man called Ove</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-12199919888302711802023-07-24T02:42:00.003+07:002023-07-24T02:42:20.349+07:00aku pikir akan ada badai<p> aku baru saja menghapus akun twitterku. mendadak, dan tak pernah terpikirkan sebelumnya.</p><p>awalnya aku kira twitter akan jadi satu-satunya media sosial yang tidak akan pernah aku hapus. kupikir, media sosial itu menyajikan hiburan dengan cara yang aku sukai. tak aku sangka, secara tiba-tiba aku langsung menghapusnya. aku punya banyak alasan klise untuk berhenti menggunakan twitter sementara alasan aku mempertahankannya hanya satu, hiburan (yang kemudian tak cukup kuat untuk menjaganya juga).</p><p>aku kira, jika suatu saat aku berhenti menggunakan twitter, pasti aku mengalami sesuatu yang besar, tapi nyatanya tidak. semua ini hanya terjadi begitu saja.</p><p>anggaplah ini skenario Tuhan agar aku menghabiskan waktu dengannya lebih lama. </p><p>sesederhana ini Tuhan membolak-balikan hati manusia.</p><p>tanpa menyisipkan rasa penyesalan.</p><p>tanpa ada kesedihan.</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-13006866259603859372023-03-15T19:28:00.000+07:002023-03-15T19:29:03.993+07:00Balada Malam Minggu: Tokoh Utama<div dir="auto">Aku sudah lama memikirkan ini. Memikirkan bahwa setiap orang adalah tokoh utama. Tidak ada second lead, talent, cameo, atau apapun yang kamu bisa pikirkan.<div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto">Tokoh utama.</div><div dir="auto"><br></div><div dir="auto">Aku jelas tokoh utama dalam hidupku. Seseorang yang tidak aku kenal yang saat ini sedang berdiri mengantri di depanku, dia adalah tokoh utama untuk hidupnya sendiri. Suatu hari, saat seseorang yang aku pikir akan selalu beredar di sekelilingku memprioritaskan orang lain, aku harap aku mengingat ini: Aku berharga, meski tanpanya. Aku masih tokoh utama meski bukan dengannya.</div></div> <div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-6464030088966948592022-09-07T18:53:00.001+07:002022-11-14T23:52:59.320+07:00akhir drama 1 babak<div dir="auto">kali pertama bersama</div><div dir="auto">lakon protagonis yang menjadi tokoh utama</div><div dir="auto">selang interaksi berdua</div><div dir="auto">lelah dan jemu terasa</div><div dir="auto">gurauan dan pujian mulai tergantikan makian</div><div dir="auto">kata-kata kotor mengantri untuk dilafalkan</div><div dir="auto">umpatan penyesalan bersahutan</div><div dir="auto">antara otak dan perasaan</div><div dir="auto">yang tersisa,</div><div dir="auto">jika masih ada yang tersisa</div><div dir="auto">tarikan nafas</div><div dir="auto">yang mungkin mau diambilnya juga</div> <div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-3942393788612068512022-03-27T23:01:00.005+07:002022-03-27T23:01:47.099+07:00Boomerang<p>Suatu hari, saat merasa sedih sekali, aku berdoa, "Ya Allah, tolong lindungi saya, kuatkan saya, berikan saya jalan keluar ..."</p><div>lalu terdengar sayup-sayup pemuka agama berdakwah, "... kalau banyak menggerutu, bersungut-sungut, marah-marah, maka energi yang keluar adalah energi negatif, yang suatu saat bisa kembali ke diri kita. bagaimana supaya yang keluar itu energi positif? maka ucapkan hal baik, doakan musuhmu, doakan orang yang menyakitimu dengan doa yang baik."</div><div><br /></div><div>aku terdiam dan mulai kembali menangis. sekiranya doakan orang yang menyakitiku dengan doa yang baik adalah jalan aku mendapatkan kekuatan dan jalan keluar, maka itu yang aku lakukan. "Ya Allah, berikanlah kebaikan yang dia butuhkan, kebaikan yang membuat dia lebih bijaksana hingga dia berhenti menyakitiku juga menyakiti orang lainnya."</div><div><br /></div><div>berat sekali melafalkan itu semua, tapi setelah melafalkannya, rupanya aku tidak apa-apa, aku tidak kehilangan apapun. aku lebih tenang, setidaknya bagianku untuk mendapatkan kebaikan sudah dijalankan.</div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-28110718817305090602022-01-19T18:41:00.005+07:002022-02-23T16:31:53.098+07:00Sweet Home<p>(19/01/22)</p><p>It's going to be the longest planned draft (it's supposed to be like that) because I am going to write down the renovation of the house.</p><p>(S and I agreed that) Living in our owned house after marriage was a must. So, weeks after our wedding, we searched it. There were tons of house-offers we got in Bekasi, Depok, Tangerang and Bogor. Our standards were simple and I believe, quite common with most of people have. It should be near Jakarta, have good access and the last but not the least, affordable.</p><p>After many surveys, we found the most suitable one which turned to be our current home. but, we should admit that we are lacked of good interior taste. It is proofed with mess in every room of the house. well ya, after many consideration, we planned to add some rooms and start to décor them professionally. </p><p>(end)</p><p><br /></p><p>(23/01/22)</p><p>We got some helps from a pro for calculating the budget of renovating the house. We asked that our future house should have 2 floors, the first one will be the public area and the second will be the private area. Within 2 days, we got the draft. Surprisingly, there is almost no changing for the first floor that I believed it would press the cost to the max. </p><p>finger cross</p><p><br /></p><p>(end of January)</p><p>Since the renovation costs us faaaaaar away from our budget, we postpone the project till we afford it. Nabhung dhulu chyyynnnt. </p><p>(end)</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-26926499263955744222021-09-13T14:42:00.003+07:002021-09-13T14:42:54.718+07:00Aku, masih sama2021, aku masih saja mendengarkan <a href="https://soundcloud.com/zarry-hendrik/pergimu-itu-matiku" target="_blank">puisi</a> yang disuarakan oleh Zarry Handrik. Merinding itu masih disana, masih selalu bergedik pada baris yang sama.<div>Aku kira, aku akan jadi manusia berbeda saat aku memutuskan untuk berjanji sehidup semati. Rasa-rasanya tidak etis jika aku masih bergumul dengan kisah-kisah patah hati. Rupanya berubah bukanlah hal yang mudah. Untuk sebagian, kemampuan berubah seolah lumpuh.</div><div>Terkadang aku masih mencari-cari kembali <a href="https://soundcloud.com/rahne/di-jarimu" target="_blank">puisi</a> Bernard Batubara yang dibacakan oleh Rahne. </div><div>Aku rasa, aku masih sama. </div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-34964797314936735792021-07-20T13:14:00.003+07:002021-07-20T13:14:18.878+07:00Satu tahun-mu, <p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Satu tahunmu sangat istimewa bagiku. Aku sudah menghitungnya dengan tepat, meski menuliskan semuanya tidak bisa aku lakukan pada hari itu karena aku ingin tahu, apa yang akan terjadi pada satu tahunmu dalam hidupku.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Bagimu, satu tahun itu seperti tak ada bedanya dengan sebelas bulan. Kamu masih sama, tergelak senang bermain ciluk-ba, tak suka baju tee-shirt yang sering tersangkut di kepala. Tapi di mataku setiap harinya ada saja yang baru. Gigimu, rambutnya, alismu, tinggi tubuhmu --- belum lagi ada saja kemampuanmu yang baru setiap harinya. Takbir misalnya.</p>
<p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Kamu senang menggumamkan takbir. Selalu menatap khusuk saat TV mengumandangkan adzan. Yang buatku terenyuh, saat kamu kuras sabarku, takbir atau adzan selalu buatmu tenang, lebih mudah aku kendalikan --- itu pula yang buatku malu akan amarah yang terlanjur meledak, atau bentakan yang buatmu <u>terkesiap</u>.<br />
</p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Tak aku sangka, di usia empat tahunmu, kamu sering merasa berkewajiban menjadi imam salatku. Meminta sunat di awal umur lima tahun, dan kamu adalah teman terbangku yang paling sering, bahkan dibandingkan dengan suamiku sendiri. Bayiku, toge yang tumbuh dengan cepat.</p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Eh, apa ini? draft tulisan tahun 2016 yang baru diperbaharui tahun 2021. </p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Selamat ulang tahun kesatu, kedua, ketiga, keempat, kelima, dan menuju keenam tahun,</p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">Kamu bahkan sudah menjadi abang.</p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">-mama </p>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-69499275995155355242020-11-25T12:23:00.000+07:002023-10-09T15:14:28.453+07:00Nay (Part Two)<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am sipping my black coffee. The bitter taste of it is the best company when I feel so lonely like now. Watching at the glass, hoping for a comet pass, this rainy night is just another pathetic night in my life. What am I waiting for here? Why did I say 'yes' when he asked me out? I should refuse it in the first place.<br />
<br />
I am supposed to celebrate the fact that my book is finally released. But the truth that the story bothers me a lot. How if <i>he</i> reads it?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Angels and devils argue with each other in my mind. <i>He</i> is in Poland, and this book is published in New York. There is the North Atlantic Ocean between us. Why should I worry this much? But in the internet era, <i>he</i> might find it somehow. If <i>he</i> found that it is our story, what <i>he</i> would do? What <i>he</i> would say to me? Wait, would <i>he</i> say even if <i>he</i> knew it?<br />
<br />
Geez. I might be crazy.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>October 2015</i></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Warsaw, 8 a.m </i></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I am glad to back to this town. As a person who likes Chopin, Warsaw in October means heaven. Chopin contest is held here every 5 years. I could enjoy the music played by the best pianists all over the world. And I also have a reason to see him again, look into his hazed eyes, smell his Hugo Boss, or if I am lucky, I will taste that smooth warm kiss that I always miss--- </i></div>
<i></i><i></i><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Nay, is that you?" </i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I look for the voice from. I catch a familiar body, a man in an old navy jacket standing not far away from me. </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Josh, it's a long time .... How are you?" I couldn't hide my surprising feeling in my tone. </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>A friend from the past is approaching my table. His grey hair, paced skin aren't changed a bit, even masculine muscle is still there. He kisses both my chicks as a warm greeting then sits on the chair in front of me.</i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>What are you doing in Warsaw?" </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I lift my shoulder, "You pretty well know about the answer, Josh. Chopin always calls me. The contest will be held tomorrow." </i></div>
<i></i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Chopin it is. As ...," his tone is hanging in the air.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"What?" </i></div>
<i></i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Is it only Chopin, Darl? I thought there is someone who brought you back here." </i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I grin a smile. A friend that knows me deep down just uncover my other reason why I took an early flight from JFK International Airport to Poland. </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"It is not for your first crush, isn't it?"</i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I don't say anything and let his hypothesis fills his head. </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Oooh, no .... How couldn't you move on sweetheart. He's totally not for you!" </i></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<i>"I knew it. It is just an ordinary meeting. A meeting that is happening just because he is also here. Just for reminiscing the old days." I answer defensively. </i></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<i>"Don't you know that he has a fiance?" </i></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ouch, that's hurt. Why people loves reminding me to that matter?<i style="font-style: italic;"> I grin a smile. "What do you think, Josh?"</i><br />
<i style="font-style: italic;"><br /></i></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>He looks me in the eyes, trying to find an answer.</i></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Well, you're a big girl, aren't you?" </i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>His grey eyes see something that I've hidden. I know it. </i><i>But I don't wanna seem bother to it. So I start to talk a warm talk like old friends used after long time not seeing each other. </i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>A waiter reaches our table and hands his order. Josh, pays it and gives some tips for it as he always does. He stands up and kisses me a good bye, he is in a rush. But he had asked to see him before I left the town.</i></div>
<br />
<i></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"Let's meet up in Chopin Forest, I know you'll never miss that!" </i></div>
<i></i></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I smile as a yes of his statement. "Let's meet up there." </i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I watch him disappear behind the the door. And I start to think about what he said and the fact that I still want him. Suddenly I have no attention to see him anymore. I pack my belongings and ready to leave.</i></div>
<i></i><br />
<i></i><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Too late, as the door bell is ringing, I see the face that always makes me fall in love all over again. His hazed eyes catch me, freeze me. His arrogant smile is pretty close to a smirk that I hate, but I love that. He walks then sits in front of me. I can smell his Hugo Boss, a masculine smell that I like when I am in his tight hug. Oh god, I almost forget to breath. </i></div>
<i></i><br />
<i></i><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>"So, how are you, Nay?"</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I smile. Trying to hide my madness living in my head. I won't let him know that it is currently portraying our togetherness we had years ago. I know he is good in reading my mind. I am just an opened book for him. But caught with pitiful memories on my face isn't a reunion-moment I wish I have.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>"After all these years, you're still beautiful." He said as an opener.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>I can't stop smiling. "And after all these years you're still able to captivate me with the same old charm."</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>"So, does it still works?" he is looked surprised.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>I laugh. I play it wittily. I guess I'm smart enough and I could enjoy that.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>But in a second I stop laughing as a woman approaching our table and putting her hands on his shoulders. I know her. His fiance, a Poland model. All of sudden I am feel so small. A silly writer has nothing to compare with a Caucasian model. He has a ton of reasons why he chose her over me. </i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>Josh's voice suddenly resound in my head, </i>he's totally not for you. <i>Then I hear an piano instrumental plays Ballade No.1 Op.23 in G Minor, a piece that could tear you apart. The ballad that pretty completely me with this miserableness. I also hear a crack inside my chest. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
....</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I sigh.<br />
<br />
Remembering the past always brings me mixed feeling. It still hurts me but I couldn't deny that it 'feeds' here, in New York. I finally could live well in New York; I get a spot in the agency because of the pain I had in the past.<br />
<br />
I sip my coffee.<br />
<br />
Trying to calm down my own mind.<br />
<br />
<i>I'll take whatever happens.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I see the window. Hoping that Navid shows in a second. He asked me to see him here but he's late. I start to think that I'd better text him. But suddenly, my phone rings.<br />
<br />
<i>Navid</i>.<br />
<br />
"Hi! Where are you?"<br />
<br />
"Can you see the window? I am outside."<br />
<br />
I look at the window. Nothing's particular. "Why don't you just come in?"<br />
<br />
"See with your eagle eyes!"<br />
<br />
I laugh. "Now I see you!" I saw Navid in police rain coat. I thought he was a policeman. "What are you doing there?"<br />
<br />
He walks closer to the window and show me letters on A2 paper.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Hi Nayla.</i></b><br />
<br />
I freeze. <i>What is he doing? </i>He shows me another page.<br />
<br />
<b><i>I need tons of courage to tell you,</i></b><br />
<br />
I could read it clearly in lighting speed.<br />
<br />
<b><i>that I adore the way you talk,</i></b><br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<b><i>the way you </i></b><b><i>think</i></b><b><i>,</i></b><br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<b><i>the way you </i></b><b><i>dress</i></b><br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<b><i>They are sweet and nice.</i></b><br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<b><i>From them, I know you're a warm person,</i></b><br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
<b><i>It grows something in my chest.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
...<br />
<br />
I wish it is not a confession.<br />
<div>
<br />
<i><b>Would you be my girlfriend.</b></i></div>
<br />
Too late. God has His own plan.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-66458489405030186992020-09-24T07:33:00.005+07:002020-09-24T07:33:54.908+07:00<blockquote><p>Turn your wounds into wisdom</p></blockquote><p>Oprah Winfrey </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-81238800423566624072020-09-03T18:43:00.000+07:002023-10-09T15:14:31.850+07:00Nay (Part Three)<p>Who can predict the future? I don't believe in forecasting unless it comes from legit research. But it seems that one by one of the stupid guesses from a random fortune teller I met in Maroco comes true.</p><p>She said that my carrier was going to shining brightly, but my love life was trapped in the same old loop. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-51193060635478843062020-09-03T11:02:00.003+07:002020-09-03T18:25:40.756+07:00Nay (Part One)<p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">After having one hour on the bus, changing two central bus stops, here I am now. Wondering what the hell I am doing here. What is it I am seeking? Memory? Satisfaction?</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Four years leaving this city, I feel like an alien. I almost get lost without this small directory note from my brother. One thing that I am familiar with: the hot, polluted air from the vehicle. I waved my hand to banish the dark atmosphere from my face.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">The coffee shop is standing a few meters away attracting my sight.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">Is it still there?</em></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">My heart is beating wildly. I run into the porch, and I smell bitter-sweet from the shop. Despite my nervousness ever since I stepped on the alley, I admit that I feel old homey that makes an explosion in my chest. I can't hold a smile longer. It sends me back years ago when I was wearing a white-grey uniform with long straight dark hair.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I found some differences here, the paints, the name tag, the bleachers. But they don't change the feeling home here.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I close my eyes for seconds and start to imagine the old coffee shop. Laughter, friendly chatters, soft music, doorbell, and the owner's clap to call his barista. I really missed all of these when I was in New York, so visiting this was one of my few things that made me cry.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">One of two, actually.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I missed this location because of the reminiscence in the scene. It's where I had my first date with him.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">On my flight home, I had promised myself that it would be my first place I visited after I had arrived. And now, just two days after I arrive in my home town, here I am.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I have to find out if it's still here.</em></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I push open the glass door, hear the familiar bells jingling from above. I am completely taken back by how nothing has really changed. I could even spot the regular customers mingling with one another. Am I the only one who has actually left town? Have these people been here all along when I was gone? Has the old man in gray tweed coat been sipping his espresso all these times while I traveled the road of Manhattan, walked along fifth Avenue, sunbathed in West Coast? Has the woman in the red sweater aged at all as she sits there laughing with her girlfriends? Has the mildew stain on the wall near the bathroom been cleared at all?</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I am smiling. It is totally homey.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I go to the window near the counter. Sit on the chair and touch the surface of the window frame. I find what I was looking for, two initials craved. It's still here. </span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I wave my hand in the air. A young barista looks up and smiles, "Morning. What can I get you?"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"I'll have a tall signature coffee to go, please. And, um do you still have the strawberry short-cake? I'll have that –"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Either my sight has failed or I am seeing my most favorite angel in life ...."</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I turn, surprised, and feel a grin lift up my entire face when I see whose the bass voice belongs. "Mewborn!" I cry at the owner, giving the old man with graying hair a big bear hug. "Great seeing you!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Didn't know you were back in town!" he shows coffee-stained teeth. "Missing your strawberry short cake, kid?"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I laugh. "I can't run away from the sweetness of it!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"High school was long time ago, and you don't change that taste!" Mewborn gives the nod to his barista behind the counter. "Give this kid anything she wants, on the house!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Mewborn, you don't have to -"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"That's the way I homecoming my favorite!" he looks at me in the eye. "Why did you get that coffee to go anyway? What's the rush?"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"I –"I am looking for an answer. "I have stuffs to do!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">After a few heartwarming chats with nice old Mewborn, I am left alone at the pick-up counter waiting for my order. Minutes later, I thank the barista for the food and places some generous tips inside the jar. But, I remember something, I left my direction memo on the counter near the window. I go back and take the note by glancing at the initial crave for the last time. Then my feet remain frozen. There is something below it. I focus my sight, trying to read that.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">You'll be my forever</em></strong><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">He is not here, isn't he? I look around the cafe in alarm. I feel dizzy all of a sudden. My memory goes back to the time when all hell broke loose. When confessions were made, when he sat in front of me with his head hung low, when he uttered the heart-stabbing words of not being able to choose, when I felt pain like nothing I ever experienced before, when I let him see some tear shed on my face, when I hurt him with a goodbye, when I left him in the parking lot and making him vow to never bother me again for the rest of my life for the first time, when I said things that I never really meant.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">My hands are trembling, I grip my brown takeaway bag tighter. Rushing reaching the exit then mumbling 'excuse me' to the people I accidentally bump into.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Nay –,"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">That's a familiar voice.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"You're back!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">A face that I miss shows up. He is taller, has more muscle than I remember. His smile still fires a spark inside my chest. I smell his perfume in the air, the same fragrance that I was used to smelling when I was in his hug.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">All of these are feel like a trap.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Hi ... you're here, too."</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Yeah, I have a family meeting. And you?"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"It's my first comeback."</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Well, you're a real dream catcher ...."</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I freeze. I don't know what I should say.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"It's a compliment."</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I nod once. Then air blows his smell again. I couldn't hold it any longer. I should go. "Umm, I am sorry. I have to go. Nice to meet you here!"</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">"Nay, I'm gonna get engage!" He pronounces it clearly.</span></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #0e101a; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span data-preserver-spaces="true" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">I chocked.</span></p>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-52104764817001256452020-06-15T11:53:00.000+07:002020-06-15T14:26:59.126+07:00I tried to write a poem all day<br />
But, I couldn't find a way<br />
To describe how badly I want to play<br />
With my boys at the waterway<br />
<br />
Now, everyone in this planet always pray<br />
That together we can have a holiday<br />
Running down the hill and screaming hooray<br />
Flee from yelling mayday, mayday<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-90307414527763783452020-01-18T21:17:00.000+07:002020-01-18T21:17:39.249+07:00Balada Malam Minggu: Tenaga yang Ku Punya<div dir="ltr">
Semakin bertambah usia semakin membuat saya sibuk berdiskusi dalam kepala. Membicarakan ini-itu sendirian, mencoba memahami dan memikirkan dari berbagai sisi sebelum akhirnya saya mencetuskan isi pikiran. Saya tidak yakin apa di jaman 80-90an berpendapat akan se-'begini' merepotkan, ataukah hanya saya yang punya ketakutan yang berlebihan?</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Saya bukan tipe orang yang ribet. Kalau saya mau dan mampu tentu akan saya lakukan. Kalau saya tidak mampu, ya akan saya tunda realisasikan. Saya punya sederet resolusi tahunan, tapi hanya ada segelintir prioritas yang mampu saya tetapkan. Saya tak jadikan itu persoalan. Saya faham itu namanya kehidupan. Tak melulu yang diharapkan menjadi kenyataan.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Di usia menuju 30 ini saya mulai memahami, bahwa saya tidak bisa mengontrol orang sekehendak hati. Saya yang dibesarkan di lingkungan homogen cukup terkejut ketika harus hidup di lingkungan dengan perbedaan yang tinggi. Semakin syok menyadari bahwa spektrum warna tidak hanya pelangi. Memahami orang yang aku pikir bisa dilakukan dengan toleransi, kini saya dapati sebagian orang hanya mementingkan diri sendiri.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Nyatanya ada orang yang menggunakan orang lain untuk mencapai tujuannya. Menggunakan orang lain untuk menjadi tamengnya, <i>bumper</i>-nya. Dia gunakan orang lain layaknya lilin yang digunakan penjual masakan menghalau lalat. Ya kalau masakannya busuk, berapapun lilin yg dinyalakan tetap saja mengundang lalat. Kalaupun berhasil menghalau lalat, tidak mengubah kenyataan bahwa masakannya memang busuk, dan mampu meracuni siapapun yang menyantapnya.<br>
<br>
Aku lalu kembali begulat dengan kepalaku. Entah apa yang mereka pikirkan tentangku ketika aku sendiri punya penilaian tentang mereka. Aku rasa cukup sampai disini saja. Aku punya harapan, dan itu cukup aku panjatkan kepada Tuhan Semesta Alam.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-12100455444255462832020-01-18T21:06:00.000+07:002020-01-18T21:06:38.922+07:001826 Hari Kemudian<div style="text-align: justify;">
Luar biasa, kita tidak bertengkar.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lagi pula kita terlampau malas untuk berdebat panjang tentang nilai moral yang kita anut. Lebih enak menyeruput kopi dengan logo putri duyung dan melanjutkannya dengan makan malam steak New Zealand Sirloin yang dipanggang well done dengan saus black pepper. Yaaa, aku tahu. Aku yang bayar. Itu harga yang murah untuk bisa melihat tawa kemenangan di wajahmu yang selalu aku rindukan.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Kamu ingat diskusi-diskusi panjang tentang "pulang ke rumah", atau tentang "buah tangan", atau tentang "mengunjungi kerabat". Diskusi-diskusi itu tak pernah dimenangkan oleh siapa pun. Empat tahun kita terus mendebatkannya, dan kini kita menyerah. Kita terlanjur hafal apa yang diinginkan oleh yang lainnya dan engan untuk mempertahankan keinginan sendiri.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Kini kita mampu membicarakannya sebatas untuk mereview apa yang terjadi. Lebih banyak membuka diri dan mengkomunikasikan isi hati. Terlalu banyak hal di luar kendali. Yang mampu kita lakukan sebatas menjaga diri. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Berdoa terus, berdoalah lagi.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Harapan demi harapan bukanlah sekedar mimpi.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Semoga kita menjadi lebih baik lagi.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-86205336628438533132019-09-03T22:36:00.000+07:002019-11-13T13:51:25.102+07:00penjudi yang kapok duluan<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Aku memberanikan diri bermain judi. Turut menenggak arak berusaha berbaur
dengan mereka yang sudah lebih dulu tenggelam dalam mabuk. Di tengah waras yang
hampir kalah, aku berpikir bahwa esok mungkin aku akan menjadi gila dengan
segala denyut yang menyiksa kepala. Terlebih aku masih saja terus menurut untuk
menelan literan najis yang terus mereka sodorkan dibalut dusta yang aku tahu
bisa membunuhku kapan saja. Ah, aku tidak tahu seberapa lama tubuh ini akan
bertahan. Semenit-dua menit? Aku yakin bila aku mati, mereka masih berpesta
pora hingg pagi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Eh, tapi tunggu dulu. Waras ini masih ada meski aku sudah tak bisa
mengontrol fungsi motorikku lagi. Aku masih mampu melihat meski mereka
menertawaiku amatir di permainan yang mereka kuasai sejak lahir. Mereka memeriksa
barang bawaanku, menilai hargaku, dan larut dalam ria merasa sudah mampu
mengalahkanku dalam judi yang mereka ciptakan sendiri.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Aku memilih mempertahankan sedikit waras yang tersisa. Berjanji pada diri
juga semesta tidak akan mau menegak haram itu lagi. Sial untuk mereka, rupanya
Tuhan memilihku dalam permainan ini. Dia menyiapkan kartu bagus yang mampu
membuat mereka bangkrut di ujung tawa ceria. Haha, aku tidak kalah hanya karena
ditaklukan arak dalam mabuk yang menyiksa. Rupanya ini cara Tuhan menunjukkan
kuasanya, atas takdir yang sekehendak hati dia ciptakan bagi makhluknya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Aku dari dulu percaya dan kini semakin percaya. Tuhan satu-satunya yang
bisa aku mintai pertolongan. Yang aku harus usahakan adalah menjaga sadar ini
bertahan hingga bisa gerakkan tangan dan menunjukkan kartu kemenangan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-64052717478500044282019-08-29T21:46:00.001+07:002019-08-29T21:55:40.290+07:00Agustus Tahun ketigaSemestaku sebelum kamu hadir adalah dunia yang sistematis. Aku tahu apa yang akan aku lakukan untuk 24 jam kedepan, kegiatan apa yang akan aku lakukan di akhir pekan dan aku tidak memusingkan diri jika akan pulang larut malam. Toh semuanya itu hanya butuhkan satu persetujuan dari dia yang kita berdua panggil papa.<br />
<br />
Aku punya definisi sendiri mengenai terik mentari yang mampu ubah air menjadi wujud tak kasat mata. Aku punya romantisasi imaji atas hujan yang basahi bumi. Dan aku punya ketidaksukaan atas bising rengekan anak yang memecah sunyi.<br />
<br />
<i>Kemudian kamu datang.</i><br />
<br />
Membuat aku merevisi ulang macam-macam pengertian. Dengan cara yang polos dan murni kau membuatku merasakan sekaligus mensyukuri segala hal yang tidak akan mungkin kembali ke titik yang sama lagi. Kau dan tumbuh-kembangmu adalah keniscayaan yang tidak mungkin bisa aku ulangi.<br />
<br />
Maka, lewat tulisan ini aku akan sampaikan terima kasih telah lahir dari rahim ini. Kamu yang selalu papa dan mama harapkan. Kami mungkin bukan orang tua yang kamu inginkan. Sayang inilah takdir Tuhan. Akan kami jalani peran orang tua kami untukmu sebaik yang kami bisa. Satu yang kami harapkan sebagai balas jasa, mencintai dan menghormati kami dengan sepenuh hati. Karena sungguh kami berharap bahwa kita akan berkumpul lagi di akhirat nanti.<br />
<br />
Perjalanan kita dimulai dari kelahiranmu. Aku tidak tahu kapan akhir dari kita menyapa, kemungkinan besar itu akan terjadi saat kematian tiba. Tapi yang pasti dari perjalanan kita hingga saat ini adalah aku menikmatinya, mensyukurinya dan mengabadikannya dalam ingatan yang bisa aku putar kembali kapan saja.<br />
<br />
Sayang, biarkan aku menuliskan apa yang aku mau dengan jalan yang paling aku suka. Izinkan aku untuk mengabadikan kisah kita bahwa sebelum kamu mengenal wanita lain dari hidupmu aku adalah satu-satunya wanitamu yang mengasihimu sepenuh hati. Bahwa tanganku ini yang menyuapimu di awal-awal masa MP-ASI. Bahwa kita senantiasa bergandengan saat kamu belajar melangkah kaki. Bahwa ada malam-malam tanpa tidur saat kamu terserang demam dan kami menjagamu dengan sepenuh hati. Ada hari-hari penuh tawa saat gusimu baru ditumbuhi gigi. Dan ada pula masa kita berdebat mengenai mainan yang ingin kamu miliki.<br />
<br />
Sayang. Surat ini hanya sebuah permulaan dari tulisanku tentang kita. Aku tidak tahu apakah kamu akan menerima dan membacanya kelak. Toh saat ini kamu baru mulai membiasakan diri untuk membaca. Kamu begitu fasih membaca simbol-simbol belum mengerti mengenai huruf dan angka. Jika saatnya tiba kamu bisa membaca tulisan yang mama tulis sebagai aliran rasa, mama harap kamu memahami bahwa mama dan papa selalu mencintaimu bagaimana pun keadaannya.<br />
<br />
Penuh cinta<br />
Dari mama dan papa<br />
<br />
<br />
sebagai Aliran rasa level 5<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-57017960633495999482019-07-03T20:13:00.001+07:002019-07-03T20:13:41.840+07:00Aliran rasa<p dir="ltr">Family projek yang menjadi tugas level 3 ini kami kerjakan dengan proses dibawah ekspektasi saya.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tentu jika waktu memungkan, akan saya buat famili projek yang lebih baik dan semoga dapat dijalankan dengan baik pula.</p>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1948744656162421749.post-14562410367730509972019-06-30T22:53:00.003+07:002019-06-30T23:44:29.783+07:00Level 3: Melatih Kecerdasan Hidup Day #10Saya rasa amarah yang sering ditunjukkan oleh anak saya terlalu mirip dengan amarah yang saya punya.<br />
<br />
Saya bahkan biaa memastikan bahwa amarah itu Ibnu tiru dari saya.<br />
<br />
Melihat Ibnu yang beberapa hari ini lebih sering berbaring sementara saya masih suka terjebak dalam perasaan kesal setiap kali ada hal yang terjadi di luar harapan saya, membuat saya yakin bahwa amarah yang suka ibnu tunjukkan berasal dari saya.<br />
<br />
Saya salah satu sumber 'contoh' melampiaskan amarahnya. Dan saya yang harus lebih dahulu diperbaiki agar Ibnu bisa mengendalikan amarahnya.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Feel free to post a comment if it is interesting for you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0